Step 1
Court, pursue, intrigue, charm. Remember how you acted when the two of you first met, when you each wanted to woo the other, when you were infatuated, driven to distraction, twitterpated, but not yet committed? You got excited when he or she walked into the room, you smiled a lot, you made eye contact, you paid attention, you were curious, you savoured the minutes together, you put extra effort into how you looked, you cleaned your car, you hid your dirty laundry.
Court, pursue, intrigue, charm. Remember how you acted when the two of you first met, when you each wanted to woo the other, when you were infatuated, driven to distraction, twitterpated, but not yet committed? You got excited when he or she walked into the room, you smiled a lot, you made eye contact, you paid attention, you were curious, you savoured the minutes together, you put extra effort into how you looked, you cleaned your car, you hid your dirty laundry.
The freedom to be yourself completely, without editing or disguise, is one of the joys of being in a committed relationship, and while I do not advocate holding back or disguising your true self, I do know that being laissez faire about the way you interact with and present yourself to your sweetheart is a sure sign that you are taking your love for granted.
Just because you’ve seen each other at your worst, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to be your best every time you come together.
Step 2
Notice the nothing. It’s easy to acknowledge a surprise grand gesture offered out of the blue, but much harder to appreciate ordinary behaviour performed routinely in the midst of the daily grind. If you wait for your partner to do something special before showing your appreciation, you’ll be missing a major opportunity to strengthen your connection and deepen your love. Meaningful, life-changing appreciation begins at the most basic of levels. Today start noticing and thanking your partner for the tiniest “nothing” acts, for the traits that are a natural part of his or her character, for the things that you have come to expect.
Step 3
Be tickled by your differences. You won’t agree on everything, and thank god for that. Life would be boring beyond measure if everybody thought and acted just as you did.
It is a waste of energy to spend a single instant trying to change your partner to think and behave more like you in any way. Delight in your differences--and remember--there’s a reason they say that variety is the spice of life.
Be tickled by your differences. You won’t agree on everything, and thank god for that. Life would be boring beyond measure if everybody thought and acted just as you did.
It is a waste of energy to spend a single instant trying to change your partner to think and behave more like you in any way. Delight in your differences--and remember--there’s a reason they say that variety is the spice of life.
Step 4
Let your sweetheart teach you. It is very likely that one of the things that brought you together is the fact that you both have things to teach each other. From the conscious (she’s a good skier and you want to get better; he is a master gardener and you’ve always wanted to grow vegetables in your backyard) to the subconscious (many psychologists say we are attracted to people who somehow bring our unresolved childhood issues to the surface), chances are your partner has much to show you about yourself and the world. What can you learn from your lover today?
Let your sweetheart teach you. It is very likely that one of the things that brought you together is the fact that you both have things to teach each other. From the conscious (she’s a good skier and you want to get better; he is a master gardener and you’ve always wanted to grow vegetables in your backyard) to the subconscious (many psychologists say we are attracted to people who somehow bring our unresolved childhood issues to the surface), chances are your partner has much to show you about yourself and the world. What can you learn from your lover today?
Step 5
Make sex a priority. Sex connects in a way that no amount of talking, cuddling or dating can. If you allow the sex to dwindle, you give a message to your partner that you aren’t interested in connecting in this deep way.
Make sex a priority. Sex connects in a way that no amount of talking, cuddling or dating can. If you allow the sex to dwindle, you give a message to your partner that you aren’t interested in connecting in this deep way.
Step 6
Ask, “What can I do for you? How can I make our relationship better?” You don’t have to read your partner’s mind in order for your actions to have impact. It is a humble act of love to discover your sweetheart’s secret wants, to listen openly, to surrender your ego, and finally, to sweetly take action to make your partner happy and improve your relationship.
Ask, “What can I do for you? How can I make our relationship better?” You don’t have to read your partner’s mind in order for your actions to have impact. It is a humble act of love to discover your sweetheart’s secret wants, to listen openly, to surrender your ego, and finally, to sweetly take action to make your partner happy and improve your relationship.
Step 7
Say it straight up: “Sweetheart, I appreciate who you are and all that you do. I appreciate your presence in my life.”
Say it straight up: “Sweetheart, I appreciate who you are and all that you do. I appreciate your presence in my life.”
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